


truly, utterly, completely, absolutely.

by teenagedenigma



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Fluff, Frottage, Humor, M/M, Swearing, harrys super duper awkward, i hope i don't have to tag that all the time because i swear like a sailor, im not funny but i tried, literally thats all this is, louis isn't much better, this is purely self indulgent but i am a weak selfish human being
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 13:47:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1349593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teenagedenigma/pseuds/teenagedenigma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you know your life is embarrassing when you're only with your boyfriend because of a stupid doll.</p><p>aka the one where they're in high school and have to take care of a baby simulator. harry's managing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	truly, utterly, completely, absolutely.

**Author's Note:**

> and you know your life is hella embarrassing when you spend your free time writing about gays taking care of a robot that pisses. even though i almost never mention that part. amazing.
> 
> i've many capabilities. writing is, apparently, not one of them.

harry is truly, utterly, completely, absolutely screwed.

he doesn't want to properly meet louis. in fact, he spent all ten years of his school career trying to avoid just that.

the thing is, everyone knows who louis is. he's loud, friendly, and bright, so, so bright. harry's pretty sure the sun shines out of his ass. louis' pretty, and lovely, and every kind of perfect that exists. he's precisely the type of boy that, given the chance, could break harry's heart into a million pieces.

harry doesn't want louis to know who he is. so, naturally, after ten years of not so much as a single "hi", they're partnered together for a home ec project. 

* * *

their school is very gay-friendly. there're probably more same-sex couples than there are straight. and while there's still a group that's are disgusted at the fact, the school continues to be supportive. so, it's really not all that strange that his teacher has paired up two boys for this particular assignment. and harry, he doesn't mind. he's pansexual, himself, not that anyone knows. bit hard to come out to your friends when you don't have any. he's never so much as kissed a boy, or a girl for that matter. there's never been anyone he liked enough. well, except for the other father of his child.

they have to take care of a doll. one that cries, pisses, and has to be fed. they have to feed a piece of _plastic,_  for shit's sake. literally, what is his life.

"right, so what're we naming it?"

harry blinks, looking up from the doll in his lap to stare at louis. "what."

louis chomps on his gum, blowing a bubble and wrinkling his nose when it pops and sticks to his lips. "what's its name? i figure if we're raising it, it's gonna need a name. plus, what're we gonna yell when we're getting onto it?"

harry blinks again, hard. "i'm pretty sure he's a him and not an it, actually. lovely father you'll make."

louis laughs aloud at that, slapping a hand on his knee and clenching the other into a fist to cover his mouth. "alright, fair enough. so, what're we calling _him,_  then?"

harry shrugs, glancing back down to the plastic face grinning up at him. unnerving. "he looks like an ed, to me."

"really?" louis raises an eyebrow, slouching slightly in his seat. "we're naming him after you? conceited much?"

"what?"

"your middle name's edward, yeah?"

"i. how do you know that?"

"i work in the office. sort files, might've read yours." louis blows another bubble, this time carefully popping it with his teeth so it won't stick to his lips again. "also, i was kidding about you being conceited. we can call him ed. he looks like an ed." louis opens his notebook then, flipping to a fresh sheet and writing down the words _ed stylinson, simulator extraordinaire._

"stylinson?"

"yes. faster to say than styles-tomlinson. and it's fairer than using my last name, or yours." louis chews on the end of his pen, eyes flickering up to meet harry's. "when's his birthday?"

uh. "uh. april ninth?"

louis scribbles it down, along with other useless, made up information like the baby's favourite colour, what foods will make him sick, what songs will put him to sleep the fastest.

"why is any of this necessary, again?"

"if we have to get a babysitter, which we will if we ever want a night to ourselves, he's louder than i was as a baby, probably, i want to make sure whoever we get knows exactly how to care for him. isn't that right, eddykins?" he coos the last part, wiggling a finger in front of the doll's face and poking its nose.

"you're weird." harry's a goner.

"i know." the bell rings, then, and louis rips out another clean page from his notebook, scratches something down, and hands it to harry as they stand from their seats. "i'll take ed for the night and you ring me, yeah? we'll spend tomorrow at yours, my sisters'll just get in our way, and you'll keep him tomorrow night. maybe i can spend the night, if it's all the same to you and your parents. also, you have pretty eyes." louis takes the simulator from harry, then, grinning wildly at it as he cuddles it to his chest. "you ready to go home, baby? yeah?" and with a flash of perfectly straight teeth towards harry, the boy's gone.

harry stares at the piece of paper now in his hands. he's screwed. 

* * *

 the phone rings three times before louis picks up. "h'lo?"

"louis? hi, it's harry, um. ed's other dad?"

the chuckle that comes as a response could very easily be harry's new favourite sound. stupid. "hiya, harold. miss us already? i had a feeling you'd be the first to get separation anxiety."

"what? no. um." he swallows, hard. "i, uh. my mom said i could invite you over for dinner. and to spend the night." he pauses for a beat. "and my name's not harold. i thought you read my file?"

"i did, and i know. just. not many nicknames for harry, yeah? 'm working backwards here. and i'd love to join your family for dinner, if you'll have me. eddykins misses you already."

 _oh for the love of—_  "yeah, um. definitely. do you, uh, need directions, or."

"nah, just text me your address and i'll find it. beauty of gps, that."

"right. i'll, text you, then. does seven work?"

"fabulous. seven it is. see ya then, sweetums." the line's dead before harry can even think of a response.

* * *

 harry gets to the door twenty-eight seconds after he hears the knock. not that he counted. he opens it and finds louis, with ed in a baby carrier of all things. the older boy's smile only grows when their eyes meet.

"you look lovely, pet," louis quips, stepping past the threshold.

and. if harry looks "lovely", then louis must be god-like (he definitely is). he's got on a pair of red jeans, tight enough to rival harry's, rolled up at the ankles, and a navy button up with the sleeves rolled halfway up his forearms. his hair is literally flawless; every strand exactly in place. harry's starting to regret his ratty jeans and faded sweatshirt. he maybe can't breathe.

when louis watches him expectantly for all of five seconds, harry blinks out of his awe and snaps to action. "right. um. you just complimented me. thank you. you look gooder. no, not a word, better. god. you look great. please come in." harry smiles until his face hurts and his dimples are craters in his cheeks, ushering louis to the dining room before he can make an even bigger ass of himself.

but instead of being put off like a normal person, louis just laughs and follows harry's guiding, grinning up at him. "by the way, my sister might've dropped ed. but it might've been one of her dolls, too, so."

harry has to crack a smile at that. "hopefully he's hard headed."

"trust me, if he's my child, then he most assuredly is."

"well, if he's my child, he's most assuredly tender headed. overly sensitive, and all that."

louis chuckles at that, wrapping an arm around harry's waist to pull him into a side hug. since harry has the grace of a refrigerator falling down a flight of stairs, and they're still walking, they stumble into the wall. louis doesn't seem to notice. "our child's going to be the dictionary definition of paradox, harry."

"that he is, louis. that he is." 

* * *

 louis, of course, wins over anne and gemma before he's even uttered more than a single sentence. harry's pretty sure not even a rock could resist the boy's charm. that said, it's really not his fault how gone for him he is. it's louis'.

"so, louis," gemma starts, and oh no. oh no oh no _oh no._  "i hope your girlfriend doesn't mind that you have a child with my little brother." harry is going to _strangle_  her.

"oh, no, i don't have a girlfriend. probably because i'm gayer than a rainbow," louis answers back smoothly.

anne chokes, a bit, bringing a hand up to her mouth as she coughs and tries to regain her breath. gemma snorts, also hiding behind her hand. harry, well. he's trying to remember how to breathe, seeing as it's a required function and all.

louis seems to realise what he's just said, and he slowly looks at everyone around the table. "that's... that isn't a problem, is it?" harry's pretty sure he's never seen the boy look unsure a day in his life.

it's anne who finally answers. "no, no, of course it's not." she smiles warmly at louis before offering him more mashed potatoes.

gemma grins. "harry is, too, y'know." she waggles her eyebrows at louis, who smirks at her before turning to harry almost as if for confirmation.

he squeaks. "pansexual, actually, but." louis' not even listening to him; he's turned towards anne and is asking for some of harry's most embarrassing childhood stories.

harry sort of hates his life, a little bit. 

* * *

 louis, as it would turn out, is a cuddler. a legs-tangled, pants-only, head-on-chest cuddler. harry most definitely can't breathe. he can hear his heart pounding a mile a second. he hope louis can't.

"shame you didn't just have a random crib lying around. i hate to see ed sleep in a shoe box," louis mumbles into harry's bare chest.

harry snorts and raises an eyebrow. "right. we'll have to solve that in time for our next kid."

louis pulls away, then, and harry goes into an internal panic. _shit shit shit why did you_ say _that shit._  he's just started to miss louis' warmth when he feels him straddle his waist. then there's a small hand wrapping around his wrist, and harry's arm is pulled from where it was laying across his face. louis' smiling down at harry, and harry has to smile back. until louis opens his mouth. "do you think i'm pretty?"

harry chokes. "excuse me?"

"do you think i'm pretty?" when harry only fish mouths in response, louis frowns, brow furrowing in an infuriatingly adorable way. "you could just say no, okay."

"no. i mean, no! no, fuck. yes. you are, uh. you're pretty."

louis smiles at that, but not the ten thousand megawatt smile he usually does. this one's soft, bashful. he seems to consider something, and the smile is once again replaced with a pout. "then how come you never talk to me?"

what. "what?"

louis huffs, the most precious little sound harry's ever heard, he's seriously so whipped, "i've had a crush on you since second grade when nick grimshaw dumped chocolate milk all over jade thirlwall, and you helped her dry her hair and gave her your gym shirt for the rest of the day. for the past eight years, every time i've tried to get your attention, you've ignored me entirely." he's gone from slightly annoyed to more-than-slightly sad, now looking down at harry dejectedly. "did i do something to put you off?"

harry takes three deep breaths before he's able to respond. "lou— louis. you are literally the most endearing person in the history of ever. even coach cowell likes you, god." he wipes a hand down his face, eyes half-lidded as he takes in every feature on louis' pretty face. "you're so. so. ugh, just, i'm pretty sure i've been in love with you since the very first second i saw you, and. i'm really weird, and awkward, and you're intimidating, a bit, and i didn't want to be that weird boy who liked you, so i avoided you, and then suddenly we're dads together and we have to take care of a robot and then you combine our last names and just—" louis gently slaps a hand over his mouth, then, and he's giggling. harry wants to maybe bottle up that giggle and hide away with it forever.

"you're so cute, oh my god. can i kiss you?" harry can barely nod before louis' lips are on his, soft and gentle. and oh, this is happening. harry's getting his first kiss, on his bed, almost naked, from another almost naked boy. oh.

before he knows it, the kiss takes a turn for desperate and needy, louis grinding his ass down on harry's crotch. he really, really can't breathe. just when he thinks they're about to take it somewhere, louis pulls back, gasping. "shit, no, i, we can't, harry, shit—"

"why not?" harry would be embarrassed for whining, but. he's half hard with the boy of his dreams, wet and otherwise, in his lap. sue him.

"if we keep going, i'll have to blow you. which i'm not going to do with our son in the room, so." frowning slightly, louis lays back down, fully on top of harry this time, and buries his face in the crook between harry's head and shoulder. he pretends not to notice how perfectly louis fits there. "also, so i'm not making assumptions, does this make us a thing?"

harry barks out his stupid seal laugh at that, quickly slapping a hand over his mouth after the fact. embarrassing. between snickers, he answers, "sure, louis. something like that." 

* * *

 they get a perfect grade on the baby simulator project. harry's pretty sure everyone did, but louis insists that they did the best job, since they were the only pair that was also a couple. harry has to admit, he has a point.

louis introduces harry to his friends. as his boyfriend. liam smiles, zayn smirks, and niall cackles before exclaiming that it's "about bloody time, tommo, seriously". harry's a bit terrified, really, but after about five minutes, he finds himself fitting seamlessly into the group. niall even shares his chips with him, which, according to louis, is an honest to god miracle.

harry is truly, utterly, completely, absolutely ecstatic.

(and if ten years from now, they name their first son ed, well. they're nothing if not ironic. (and this ed doesn't have to sleep in a shoe box.))

**Author's Note:**

> i wish i could say that i own one direction and that all of this happened at some point, but that would make me a liar, and lying is bad. don't do drugs. stay in school.


End file.
